Nukige – The worst excuses for sex you’ll ever find

Nukige are a special kind of Eroges or Visual Novels. They basically are pure fapmaterial and just the slightest bit of story is just an excuse for the sexscene that follows. As I have played quite some Ero-Games I will now present you: A collection of the weirdest, strangest and most questionable ways, how and why to have sex in Eroge. Enjoy.

Oh before we begin, this post will have no NSFW images, to keep your internet history clean (as if it was clean in the first place *cough cough*)

Kansen (jap. for “Infection”) ~Chain of Lust~ Series

And we begin right off with one of the most questionable scenarios I have encountered in my life. Imagine the following. You’re a guy and in the middle of a Kansen-like Zombie apocalypse. You need to do everything for your survival to not fall into a mob of Undead who will bite and infect you to make you one of them. Zombies who run over the whole world, threatening to wipe out mankind and tear apart flesh and eat it in the grossest way possible.

Now imagine you’re a girl in the same world. Your situation is kinda similar but here are some tips to safely survive this kind of Zombie Apocalypse or in the best case: Survive without getting raped.

  1. The phrase “I’d do anything to survive” should be avoided at all costs.
  2. Never go alone with one or more males into one single room.
  3. Never take a shower alone.
  4. Try to avoid being alone.
  5. Never wear a swimsuit, it doesn’t matter if Micro Bikini or School Swimsuit, just don’t.
  6. You actually have a higher chance to escape Zombies when they catch you since all they do is rip off your clothes and rape you while Males most likely get eaten so just run if you have the opportunity
  7. If you end up getting raped by Zombies, try to not swallow. With any hole. The Zombie Virus can of course be transferred with Semen.
  8. If you look in the Mirror and have red glowing eyes, the next sex you have will most likely be consensual… at least from your side, also you’re becoming a Zombie. So don’t get glowing red eyes.
  9. Don’t take part in a Harem Ending. Why? Because Harem Endings in Kansen usually end in a giant Zombie orgy.
  10. Don’t hope to retain your virginity during this apocalypse. If the Protagonist doesn’t choose your route, zombies will rape you. It’s impossible for you to not have sex at some point so don’t even bother trying.

With these tips you should be able to survive a Kansen-Style Zombie apocalypse.

Euphoria

This VN contains a lot of shit. And Eating…. and shiteating…. *vomits*

Pretty much every Mahou Shoujo Nukige

Imagine you’re on the road with your car. But you’re out of fuel so you have to go to the gas station and refuel your car. Now replace the car with your girl, the Gas Station with your dick and fuel with sperm and you should get the idea.

Mahou Shoujo Nukiges are ones for the rather hardcore hentai fetishists here. Tentacles, Bestiality and way too huge cocks are normal in such Visual Novels and it’s in most cases pretty extreme. Of course the energy you alone can give your Magical Girl is most likely not enough so you have to force her to attend gangbangs or even have sex with one of the monsters she is supposed to fight….

In the best case, your Magical Girl turns into a dark being and then rapes you and every one of your female friends. Also if there are other Magical Girls, these tend to have Yuri tendencies towards the main Magical Girl and when you leave them alone in one room for more than 2 seconds you can get into the room again and witness some sweet Yuri action which will most likely end in a Threesome.

Fate/Stay Night

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Oh this? No this is no Sex scene (thank god) but this is roughly how I feel reading the F/SN Ero-Scenes.

I am a HUGE fan of Fate. And before someone asks, yes I do find some girls really pretty and pretty hot, but that’s not what I want to talk about right now. Fate/Stay Night brings a setting that is pretty similar to the Mahou Shoujo Nukige Setting. We talked about that just now, but In case you don’t remember it: Sperm has magic power and can replenish and fill up the hole of mana resources in someone’s body.

While this isn’t anything special, the writing of these sex scenes is. IT’S HORRIBLE. So that’s why I’ll advise you to turn up some classic music in the background to make this as ridiculous as possible. I present you proudly (?) some of the worst quotes from the Fate/Stay Night hentai scenes:

  • “Maybe she can’t breath out of her mouth because it’s filled with my penis”
  • “It’s like it’s crying”
  • “It reminds me of a carnivorous plant”
  • “She undulates inside”
  • “Tohsaka’s anus”
  • “Gay Bulge”… ok, that was not an actual quote, but it sounds like Gae Bolge and it’s funny.
  • “Her movements are like those from an educated prostitute” (no shit, he actually says that referring to Sakura…yeah he called her a slut)
  • “My meat stands erect”

*sigh*

Forgot the name and can’t look it up but I can promise you that this is a thing

We have 2 rivaling schools. But they’re fed up since they want to show that they’re better than the other one and blablabla you should know that kind of stuff. But how do they decide on a winner? Not with some sports competition or a test on who has the smarter pupils but instead they compete in who can draw out more semen of a single (un)lucky protagonist in a certain amount of time!

And believe me, the protagonist has stored lots of lots of sperm as each testicles of the protagonist must be the size of the Death Star looking how much sperms there comes out to overstatisfy 7-10 girls AT ONCE. ugh….

And now for a quick look at other weird scenarios, maybe you can guess what happens there:

Night Shift Nurses

Fuck this shit. Seriously.

Everything which includes Vore

What is a real sign of trust? Two cannibals who give each other a blowjob.

Oni Chichi

I wanted to bring this out on Fathers Day actually…

Verethragna

CARDGAMES ON HARD DICKS

Lightning Warrior Raidy

Why does Raidy hate lewd stuff so much while wearing like absolute minimum armor?

Every Visual Novel by Tanuki Soft

If Prisma Illya doesn’t make you a Loli, nothing else will. Except for these.

Boob Wars

When girls try to compensate for something it never ends well.

Custom Maid 3D 2

Maid your Maid and Maid her till she Maids.

Artificial Academy

Where you can get laid with every female in your class… on the first day… before class even starts….

 

I know I know. I most likely only scratched the surface. There are way more questionable weird, strange and disturbing ways to have sex in Eroge. Still, this is what I have experienced so far. I hope you feel japanized right now, there is weirder stuff to come.

See ya, Bye Bye then~

 

 

 

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